Rules for having sex with me:

Oral Sex:
1: If you wish to speak while fellating me, you MUST raise your free =
hand and wait to be called upon.  Failure to do so may result in a =
series of cock slaps to the lips and or tongue.  Extreme cases where =
extreme disciplinary action may result in extra gagging.

2: If you freak out as soon as i pinch your nostrils together and start =
pushing down on the back of your head, I will just do it longer.  Don't =
bother with struggling.  Whos the stronger one here? Better yet, whos on =
their knees? Leverage........

3: DO NOT try to make a 4 minute blowjob seem like it was an hour long.  =
I'm not stupid, and I timed it.

4: If your teeth start getting in the way....I WILL just grab your =
ponytail/hair and make you gag.  It has guarunteed results, and it =
doesnt hurt me in the least.  Do yourself a favor and don't deprive =
yourself of air you could have been breathing. If your jaw is tired, boo =
hoo. Sounds like a personal problem to me.  Try a muscle relaxer next =
time.

5: Swallow.  I have better stuff to do than have a spare styrofoam cup =
in my room because you are not woman enough.  Its got as much protein as =
a porterhouse steak, without the cholesterol.  Im doing YOU a favor.

6. Ladies first!  You just won a free hot dog.  If you eat it properly =
you MAY be graced with cunnilingus.=20

7. I KNOW you didn't want me to cum in your mouth/on your face. Thats =
sort of why I did it...

8. If for some reason you stop sucking without permission, bad things =
will happen.  I really dont care if one corner of thebedspread came =
loose, I dont care if you think you heard the phone ring, and now is =
REALLY not the time to complain about some random bad experience you had =
at work today.  Just suck, and I might listen to your useless whining =
and banter afterwards.



Regular Intercourse and women in general:

1. I really couldn't give less of a fuck about lingerie/  Just take your =
goddam clothes off, suck my cock, fuck me real good.

2. DO NOT ask me what I am thinking about afterwards. Its obvious I want =
to go to sleep, or go do something else thats actually fun.

3. Don't cuddle too close.  Contrary to popular belief, Gods need air =
too. I also don't appreciate waking up and having my arm numb and =
without any feeling for the next week because you "wanted to feel =
close".

4.I don't care if it hurts. Get a bigger pussy.....or stretch it.....or =
get the FUCK out of my bed.

5.  Claiming that one position "hurts less" than another position, just =
so I will have to use YOUR lame position is a sorry and invalid excuse.

6. No, I dont want any of your fucking menthol cigarettes.

7. I dont even want them to "feel closer".  If I smoke a camel, and you =
smoke a menthol..........how the FUCK does it make you "closer" or =
farther"?

8.Dont make that rediculously retardedmoan that sounds like youre =
crying.  If I wanted to hear that god awful noise, I would hit you.

9. Shave.  I don't like picking hair out of my teeth, its not fun to =
have in my mouth, and we have some WONDERFUL technology these days, =
like: Nair, Waxing, Gillete razors "for women" and IGEA clear.